Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
