PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
