it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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