She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
