I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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