I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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