My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
