So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
