i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
