I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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