respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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