My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
