he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
