i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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