Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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