yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
