i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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