I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
