its not stalking. its research.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
