i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
