she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
