If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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