I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
