It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
pray to the hookup gods
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
