Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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