your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
