Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
