Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i think i just lost a toe
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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