No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
