When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
