Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
two words: eviction party
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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