friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
