NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
