I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
