My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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