Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
