You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
