Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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