Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
