I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
