don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
