would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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