He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
