mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
