I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
