Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
