I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
