Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
