he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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