yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
