just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
