wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
