I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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