Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
