ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
