The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
